An old friend asked me to review her statement of purpose (SOP) for a PhD program. She sent me the Google Doc link and said “be brutal.” So I read it.

It did not sound like her. It sounded like something ChatGPT would write if you gave it a prompt that said “write a compelling SOP for a PhD program.” Every paragraph was perfectly structured, every transition was smooth, every sentence sounded important. It was littered with em dashes, way more than anyone naturally uses. The contractions were everywhere, “I’m” and “it’s” all over a formal academic document. And there was something else I could not quite name. It was not that it was too polished. I just cannot name it. It did not feel like an SOP, it felt like an essay that was performing the idea of an SOP.

So I told her. I said it reads like AI slop.

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She did not take it well. First, she misread “AI slop” as “AI SOP” and took that to ChatGPT to understand what I meant. I corrected her. AI slop is a term people use when something looks and feels AI generated. Then she went back to ChatGPT a second time, this time to ask if “AI slop” was valid feedback. ChatGPT told her it was “rude and lazy.” She came back with that energy. Then she blocked me on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram.

Over an SOP review she asked me for.

Let me say that again. She asked a human being for feedback, did not like what the human being said, went to an AI TWICE to make sense of it, and then used the AI’s opinion to dismiss the human being. The same AI that probably helped write the SOP in the first place.

There is a saying I once heard that stuck with me. If I need help and I come to you for it, and you refuse, I will not be angry. You know why? Because if it were easy, I would have done it myself. The reason I asked is because it was hard. So whether you help me or not, I will figure it out.

But here is what I think people get wrong. That same grace should apply when someone actually helps you and you do not like what they say. She came to me because she needed a second pair of eyes, she could not see the problem herself. That is why she asked. So when I told her what I saw, that should not have been the end of the friendship. That should have been the beginning of a better draft.

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I have been thinking about this since it happened. Something is shifting in how we relate to each other and I do not like it.

We have started outsourcing our judgment to AI. Someone says something that stings, and instead of sitting with it, we run to ChatGPT for a second opinion. The problem is that ChatGPT will almost always tell you what you want to hear. It does not know your friend stayed up until 1 AM reading your document. It does not know that your friend has a PhD and has been through this exact process. It does not know that your friend followed up with specific feedback even after you started pulling away. It just sees text and optimizes for making you feel better.

AI is an amplifier. If you give it a well thought out draft, it will make it sharper. If you give it garbage, it will make the garbage sound eloquent. And that is exactly what happened with her SOP. The ideas underneath were real, her experience was real, but she let AI smooth out every rough edge until there was nothing left that sounded like a human being wrote it.

And then when a human being pointed that out, she chose the machine’s opinion over the friend’s.

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I think about this beyond just writing. We are in an era where AI can do a lot, but it cannot replace the people in your life who will tell you the truth. Those people are rare. They are more valuable than any tool. And if your first instinct when someone gives you hard feedback is to go find a bot that will disagree with them, you are going to surround yourself with comfort and call it support.

Some people want help. Other people want validation. It is important to know the difference before you invest your time. This is why adult friendships are tough. When you are younger, friendship survives on proximity and good vibes. But as you get older, it gets tested by honesty. And some people will choose comfort over a friend who tells them the truth.

Maybe she was never really a friend after all. You don’t discard your friend that way. You don’t block someone across all platforms over feedback you asked for, run to ChatGPT twice to tell you it was “rude and lazy,” unless they were never really a friend to begin with. Or maybe she was, and she just was not ready. Either way, I wish her well. I hope she rewrites that SOP in her own voice. It would be a good one if she did.

Originally published as a Daily Insight on tobilobaadejumo.com on February 10, 2026.

I have been thinking about rules lately. Not deliberately. More like how a thought keeps returning even when you are not inviting it.

It started at a PhD graduation ceremony. Not mine. A colleague’s. Those ceremonies always feel slightly unreal. Everyone looks important. Everyone looks like they belong somewhere very specific, even if they are not sure where yet. At the entrance, there were security men. Casual clothes. Serious faces. The kind of seriousness that brings concern and does not invite questions.

My friend TK and his girlfriend Trinh were graduating around the same time. People came with balloons. Ordinary balloons. The kind you associate with effort finally paying off. Then I noticed a sign on the wall: “Balloons are not allowed.”

It was not framed as a request. It was not an explanation. It was a statement. I remember staring at it longer than necessary, wondering what exactly balloons threatened in that space. Sightlines, maybe. Safety. Or something as vague as decorum.

Before I could decide, a security man walked up to us. He told us that we could not bring them in. Then he left.

A few minutes later, another one came. Same message. Same tone. Then another. Each time, it felt oddly ceremonial, as though the rule needed to be re-announced to remain alive.

By the third time, I stopped listening and started wondering why this was happening at all. What were they trying to prevent? And more importantly, who was this really for? Because balloons are light. They float. They do not do much harm.

When we eventually went inside, I noticed something that unsettled me more than the rule itself. Some people had balloons. They walked in calmly, as if nothing unusual was happening.

Nothing happened. [At least, nothing that I could see.]

No one stopped them. No consequences unfolded. The ceremony continued. Seamlessly.

I felt something shift then. It wasn’t anger exactly. Something close. Or maybe it was disappointment. It was subtle, but it stayed. It occurred to me that the rule had not disappeared. It was still there. Just unevenly applied.

And so I started to suspect that some rules are not meant to stop everyone. They are meant to stop certain people. The ones who pause. The ones who ask. The ones who assume consequences are real and immediate.

I have noticed this pattern elsewhere too.

A few years ago in church, I smiled at a baby and said, “You have such a beautiful baby.” I had done the checks. Eye contact with the mother. A soft smile. No sudden movements. Still, the room tightened.

I learned later that in some places, calling a baby beautiful carries an unspoken weight. You are supposed to redirect the compliment. Say you look so much like your mum. Or something like, I bet you do not sleep at night.

I do not remember anyone writing that rule down. I do not remember agreeing to it either. But I remember feeling it. That quiet tension. The awareness that something had been misread.

That is when it started to feel clear to me that some rules are not about right or wrong. They are about interpretation. They exist to maintain a surface. An ease. An illusion of order.

I am not against rules. Some of them are necessary. Some of them save lives. But others feel different. Less solid. They make you ask permission for things that do not really require it. They teach you to overestimate fallout. They train you to imagine consequences that rarely arrive.

I have heard people say, “Ask for forgiveness, not permission,” and for a long time, I did not like how it sounded. It felt careless.

But lately, I wonder if it is less about rebellion and more about accuracy.

Sometimes permission is never coming. Not because what you are doing is wrong, but because the system is not built to respond. Forgiveness, on the other hand, often arrives quietly. If it arrives at all.

I do not know if this means we should ignore rules. I am not sure it means anything definitive.

I only know that I am more aware now of the rules I follow automatically. The ones I never agreed to, but still obey.

And I find myself asking, without much certainty: Which of these am I following because I believe in them? And which ones because I am afraid of what might happen if I do not?

In February 2019, I wrote this excerpt on my Medium blog:

“As a young lad growing up, I couldn’t approach a babe. Due to the unanimous standards created by society, I think I need to be more specific with the use of words like ‘babe’—I’m talking about the opposite sex. Some refer to it as fear; I call it an affright occasion of excessive presentiment.

I still vividly remember my final year in high school. While my mates were having fun during the dreary inter-house sports competition, I retired to the classroom, busy with the eighth edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, cramming jaw-breaking, deep-rooted, and long-winded words, rehearsing for my big day—the day I’d be a speaker at a multinational event.”

That day I dreamed about finally came upon me.

Today is January 2024. I was to give a presentation at the Society of Photo-Optical Instrumentation Engineers (SPIE), the largest gathering of researchers and industry professionals worldwide, with over 24,000 attendees. It was an academic presentation, and I was super excited. We were twelve presenters, each with only three minutes to deliver our research in the most compelling way possible.

A few weeks earlier, I had represented my club in a Toastmasters International competition, winning first place at the Area Level and second at the Division Level. At that moment, I felt like the 21st-century Barack Obama chanting Yes We Can. Except there was no American people; I was the American people.

What I’m about to share are the lessons learned over the past five years. Deliberate lessons. Strategic lessons. I had been preparing like an Olympic athlete training for gold.

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A week before the event, I broke every rule in the academic presentation handbook. Instead of drowning my audience in dense text and lifeless figures, I created something persuasive, a 15-second GIF that brought my research to life through animations and color. Every frame told a story that even someone without a scientific background could understand and feel.

My preparation went beyond the ordinary. I learned from Beyoncé and Solange's playbook, taught by their father Matthew Knowles to practice failure in all its forms. They rehearsed broken microphones, twisted ankles, wrong music cues. I rehearsed obsessively. My heart always races before a talk so I trained for it. I practiced running on treadmills while presenting, holding my breath underwater to master speaking through panic, rehearsing my words until they felt like old friends.

When the day arrived, I was ready.

I wore my brown Oxford shoes, my deep blue suit paired with a crisp white shirt, and a tie accented with striped hues. An hour before the event, I arrived at the venue. I was tad nervous so I sought out random attendees, asking if they would spare a few minutes to hear my speech. One, two, three…each run-through cemented my confidence. Thirty minutes before, I met the host, an elderly woman with sparkling blue eyes. As she greeted me with a warm smile, her soft Irish accent immediately stood out. “Are you ready to submit your slide?”, she asked.

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I handed her my flash drive. She looked at my slide and exclaimed, “Wow! This is fancy! I like it.” She shared stories of past winners and praised the creativity of my design. “Would you mind listening to my speech?” I asked, emboldened while gazing at her blue eyes. She agreed with enthusiasm. I delivered it, and her claps and radiant smile filled me with quiet confidence yet again.

By the time other speakers arrived, I had already made transient friends. I had paced the venue, memorized its rhythm. Even smiles that went unreturned didn’t faze me. You would think I was addressing the nation with my crave for perfection. Our speaking order was alphabetical. My last name, Adejumo, put me second, following an absent Abbott. It was usual to always be betrayed by my last name so this wasn’t a surprise to me. But never did I imagine that Abbott would betray me.

Ms. Anna Irish, the host, started the event with a warm welcome before calling me up. My legs shook as I walked to the podium but I responded with a smile. I requested for a lapel mic, knowing that asking for something on stage often makes you feel more calm and confident. Ms. Irish obliged, and I stepped off the podium to stand closer to the judges. Eyeball to eyeball, I was ready, radiating confidence.

The title slide transitioned to my one-slide presentation. I began with a gravelly voice:

"Imagine a world where you lose your memory…. One minute you are absolutely fine, and then, the next minute… the beautiful memories of your friends, family, loved ones…poof…GONE."

At “poof,” I could swear that the judges’ faces twisted like they had just tasted something sour. Rapid blinks, eyebrows doing gymnastics, legs fidgeting. They couldn’t sit still. And those veins on their foreheads were popping out like they were seconds away from yelling, “Get this guy off the stage!”

And then my mind just… blanked.

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I froze. Completely. I opened my mouth and muttered very quickly: I’m sorry, is it okay to start again? But it was like the words just evaporated. The room was dead silent, except for the judges, who shook their heads like, “What are we even watching?” Out of nowhere, I hear it: click, click, click. It is Ms. Irish’s shoes, and she’s walking toward me. I had thought Ms. Irish and I had a relationship. She gets up to me, looks me right in the eyes, and says, “You cannot start again. Maximize your remaining time.”

Right then, I knew I had two choices. I could fall apart… or I could finish. I swallowed hard and turned away from the judges to forget them. My new mission was to connect with the audience. Even if my words stumbled out, even if the rest of my speech was shaky which I am certain it wasn’t, I was going to finish. And I did.

The rest of the speakers came and went. Their talks were stiff and robotic. Totally forgettable. But I was not paying much attention. I could not stop replaying my moment over and over in my head. I had practiced so much. I had trained for pressure, rehearsed for failure, memorized backup lines. So what happened? How did I crack?

Back in my hotel room, it finally hit me. It wasn’t just about the judges and me not having the same presentation style. It was about how I handled the moment when things went wrong. And that’s when I realized:

Never Apologize.

Apologizing in moments like this does not fix the problem; it magnifies it. When I muttered those words: “Is it okay to start again?” I felt the room’s energy shift. The judges didn’t care. The audience did not rally behind me. I was alone alone in my “little polite world”. Instead, apologizing made the moment heavier. What if, instead, I had smiled and taken a deliberate pause before continuing? Would the outcome have been different? Maybe. Would I have felt stronger? Absolutely.

And so whether you get to an event late, whether the mic dies, whether the slides glitch, infact if you even forget your words, I plead with you not to apologize. Whether a workplace mistake, or an awkward introduction, again, do not apologize. You can thank the audience for their patience. But do not say you’re sorry. Because here is the hard truth: no one really cares. No one will give you a second chance because you said sorry. Even if you are at fault, never ever apologize. Apologizing just makes everything worse.

This is what 2024 taught me.

What I want to tell you today is the truth and nothing but the truth. It is a true-life story about finding your calling. As a matter of fact, it is my true life story. But before I continue, I want you to listen to a song. You have to listen to this song. You have to. It is an old Christian melody sung in many Nigerian households. The composer of this song predates my existence, but it is a tune I have grown fond of over the years. This piece of music has resonated with me deeply, becoming a source of comfort and inspiration.

Back in 2015, I recorded myself singing this song and reached out to seven voice coaches on Instagram. I was lucky enough to get a response from one—let's call her Sydney, but she was popularly known as “Sydney the Golden Voice” because of how beautifully she sang. Her depth and range were profound. Now, looking back, listening to Rihanna’s "Lift Me Up" gives me the same comforting feeling Sydney's voice did then—like a warm blanket on a cold winter night, calming me to the point where I could hear my heartbeat.

So I sent a message to Sydney: "Hey Sydney, it is great to connect with you here! You have an impressive profile and your story is amazing. I've attached a snippet of my voice recording. Please let me know what you think. Thank you. Best regards, Tobi."

To be honest, I didn't really know her story; I just liked her profile.

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Sydney's feedback was blunt like a cold slap in the face. It felt like she received my message at the worst possible time. "Hey Tobi," she began, "Your voice is a piece of dog shit."

My friend, that was the last time I sang as a chorister in my home church. You see, I had always dreamed of becoming a great and famous musician. I had scored more than a dozen songs by different artistes. I learned the keyboard and the guitar, the drums and the mouth organ. I learned how to play the flute. I even learned how to play talking drums. My passion for singing was undeniable, yet I lacked the very essence of a good musician. I lacked a good singing voice.

Now stay with me. While I could not express my thoughts through songs, I discovered I had the ability to make words dance beautifully on paper. So, I began to write, and write, and write. I have been writing for eight years now, touching lives and making countless connections.

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I have to put this out there. We often hear these mantras: “Follow your passion,” “Your dreams are valid,” “You can do whatever you set your mind to do.” I do agree, but only when these mantras are stated in full. This is because these are largely inaccurate blanket statements made by internet celebrities with the hope of ramping up their fanbase and massaging their feelings. I am not a celebrity, so I will tell you the truth: Follow your passion if you are not worried about minimum wage. Your dreams are valid as long as they don’t violate the principles of time, effort, and practical limitations. You can do whatever you set your mind to if you plan on living forever.

The richest man in Africa is from my home country, Nigeria. He made a fortune selling cement, yet I doubt he was passionate about it. So you see, passion does not always equate to success or satisfaction.

Another example is Warren Buffett. Of course, you know him. He is a titan in the investment world. Warren chose his path not out of a deep-seated passion for finance but because of his exceptional analytical skills and talent for understanding the market. There is this beautiful quote by Warren that I have gleaned and reinvented: He says, "I am not passionate about investing; however, what I love to do is sit in my office, read about companies, and talk about them." So you see, again, that passion doesn't always equate to success or satisfaction.

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Let me tell you this: Hard work pays. Hard work pays. It is an old axiom that holds true every day, especially when your hard work is predicated on your passion, it will definitely pay off. But I have learned this: as you sojourn through life, hear me, my friend, that hard work pays, but it pays minimum wage. And so, no matter how much you are passionate about soccer, how much you love soccer and you desperately want to be the next Ronaldo or Messi, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you may never be like these men because these men competed on the world stage for over two decades. This cannot be passion. This cannot be passion marinated in hard work. This is talent.

And so, it is important to recognize your strengths and harness them. As I transitioned from singing to writing, I realized that our goals and inherent skills can lead us to unexpected yet ultimately fulfilling paths.

My friend, passion is a fantastic guide, but it can also fail you as it failed me. However, it is your unique strengths and the goals you set that will define your journey. As you navigate the maze of life, always remember to tune into your true talents, not just your passion.1

This book is a solid yes for me. I began my PhD by scheduling Zoom meetings with several successful individuals and CEOs on LinkedIn. For many reasons, I could relate to “The Third Door,” especially Alex’s persistence. Alex’s style of writing is quite uncommon among non-fiction writers, as it is very descriptive. He vividly describes events, places, and people so well that you can visualize them with your mind’s eye. From the beginning of the book, where he mentioned staring at the silent white ceiling, I could relate as I had done that several times.

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. Life, business, and success are akin to a nightclub with three ways in. The First Door is where 99 percent of people wait, hoping to get in. The Second Door is for billionaires, celebrities, and the born privileged to slip through. Then there's the Third Door, where you must jump out of line, run down the alley, bang on the door a hundred times, crack open the window, and sneak through the kitchen—there's always a way.

2. If the probability of getting a "yes" in one trial is 1/100, persistence can increase that probability to 100/100.

3. It is better to prove something cannot be done than to exhaust an infinite number of ways to fail.

4. Borrowed credibility is crucial; successful people don't conjure credibility from nothing. They do so by associating themselves with well-known organizations and publications.

5. It’s the choices we make, far more than our abilities.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

How my life / behavior / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of reading the book.

1. Always ask. For anything you desire, do everything you can until you have proven it cannot be done. For context, Alex asked Tony, the former CEO of Zappos, if he could shadow him. People wondered how Alex was so fortunate, to which Tony replied, "I'd be happy to, but no one ever asks.”

2. Never oversell. If you are meeting someone for the first time, sending multiple messages can be off-putting.

3. Family is everything. The beauty of life is the relationships we forge. Those who share our burdens are our greatest allies. Burden bearer is the biblical name for these kinds of people. The world will clap for you when you give them bread and fish, but on your way to the cross, they’ll chant “crucify him”. Because when you can’t even open your eyes, all you have left is your heartbeat, your breathe and your soul’s connection to those you love.

4. Depend on your ability to learn new things and not on your current knowledge or skills. This reminds me of the hermetic principle of mentalism. The universe is like a mental projection, and you must use your thoughts to shape your reality.

✍️ My Top Quotes

1. “When I was young, I admired intelligent people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.”

2. “Every storm runs out of rain. I’d make a sign of that if I were you. Put that on your writing pad. No matter how dull and seemingly unpromising life is right now, it is going to change. It is going to be better. But you have to keep working.“

3. “Easy reading is damn hard writing, and that’s probably just as true the other way around—that is, easy writing makes for damn hard reading.“

4. Try to get out of the box. Find all the wisdom that you can find. Find Confucius; find Aristotle; look at Martin Luther King; read Cesar Chavez; read. Read and say. ”Oh, these are human beings just like me”. Okay, this may not work for me, but I think I can use one portion of this.

Two towering figures have often occupied my thoughts and shaped my aspirations as a budding scientist: Thomas Young, known as "the last man who knew everything," and Paul Erdős, fondly described as "the man who only loved numbers." Inspired by their monumental legacies, I've dubbed myself "Thomas Erdős," borrowing attributes from both personas. However, despite my admiration, these two intellectual giants led dramatically different lives that warrant scrutiny. What lessons can modern scientists draw from their contrasting approaches to work-life balance?

Thomas Young died at the young age of 55, a demise that many attribute to his incessant intellectual labor. His work ethic was prodigious but potentially detrimental to his well-being. On the other hand, Paul Erdős lived until the age of 83. He was known for saying, "A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems," reflecting his own tireless pursuit of mathematical truths. The longevity of Erdős and the premature death of Young lead to a pressing question for scientists today: Should we emulate their relentless work ethics, risking our well-being, or should we strive for a more balanced, sustainable approach?

Young was a polymath of extraordinary talent and unparalleled range. By the age of four, he had reportedly read the Bible twice and before turning 14, translated it into more than 13 languages. Young was not just a linguist; his contributions to science were groundbreaking. His biographer, Andrew Robinson, famous for his biographies of scientists like Einstein, said of Young, "Versatile people have always fascinated me, but Thomas Young, for sheer range of expertise, beats them all." From pioneering the wave theory of light via his iconic double-slit experiment to establishing Young's modulus in engineering, his intellectual pursuits were exhaustive. And even on his deathbed, Young was occupied with academic work, specifically finalizing the 'Rudiments of an Egyptian Dictionary.'

Paul Erdős, meanwhile, was an enigmatic figure—a mathematical monk, who practically lived out of two suitcases. At the tender age of three, he could perform three-digit multiplications in his head. Erdős wrote over 1,500 papers, more than anyone else in the field of mathematics. His colleague, Ralph Faudree, described the intensity of working with Erdős: "The pace was grueling... He only needed three hours of sleep. He’d stay a week or two and you’d collapse at the end." This intensity came at the cost of a balanced life; Erdős never married, and he seldom established a permanent residence, preferring to live a nomadic lifestyle.

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Recent studies, including one from the World Health Organization, caution against the kind of obsessive work regimen both men practiced. The report suggests that working more than 55 hours per week increases one's risk of stroke by 35% and ischemic heart disease by 17%. Other studies point to adverse mental health effects, including depression and occupational stress.

So where should we, the next generation of scientists, draw the line? Young and Erdős were indeed prodigious, but their life stories suggest that their successes were more closely tied to innate abilities rather than just long hours. As compelling as it may be to model ourselves after these icons, the key might lie in leveraging our own innate abilities while maintaining a balanced life. Neither man seemed to prioritize relationships or typical societal norms—Young was married but childless; Erdős never settled and had no family.

Therefore, as I embrace my self-coined nickname, "Thomas Erdős," it becomes clear that while these two luminaries were exceptionally brilliant, they lacked a balanced lifestyle. Their contributions to science were monumental, but the journey of life isn't merely about solving complex equations or making groundbreaking discoveries; it's also about living a well-rounded, fulfilling life.

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The Final Word

When you look at the stories of Thomas Young and Paul Erdős, it's easy to get lost in the brilliance of their minds and the weight of their achievements. But if you zoom out, you will see that the picture isn't complete without considering the canvas of their personal lives—often stark, devoid of the colors of well-rounded experiences and relationships. In a world that sometimes seems to measure worth by productivity alone, let's redefine the metrics of success. After all, we're not just scientists. We're human beings, living a life that's far too complex to be summarized in a single equation or lemma.

I’m trying so hard to write like an academic

It is customary to begin deep and thoughtful writings with a grand opening statement purported to capture the reader’s attention and curiosity. I choose not to follow this custom today. In fact, I have chosen the route to begin like it is done in academic presentations.

I have silently wondered why most academic presentations are a bit uninteresting to me. Academics will say “a bit” when in fact they mean “a lot”. They will say: “You are very special,” when what they want to communicate with you is how ordinary you are. Also, if you ever ask a question and you get a “no dear” as a response. I’d advise you should be “a bit” wary. You may certainly not be dear to anyone.

Almost everyone tunes in during an academic presentation, not because of the great speaking prowess of the presenter, or how exciting the research is (maybe sometimes), but because we have no choice. We all have problems, and we silently hope that you say something that will lead us close to solving ours. Also, we all need free pizza.

No free pizza here, but please stay with me.

Why should generosity be made compulsory? Compulsory generosity is a topic particularly dear to me. It’s the culture of tipping. This valuable and respected culture of tipping is one that has significantly lost its value. Yes, it has slowly lost its value in the United States. Gradually, the tipping culture has evolved, moving from gratitude to expectation. Now, this culture is entrenched in entitlement.

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A Personal Tale: From Gratitude to Expectation

Let me tell you a story.

As the only male child of my parents with two beautiful sisters, I was seldom allowed to cook. I mean, I cook my meal sometimes but absolutely rare. I depended on my mum’s culinary skills, and my sisters too. To be fair, I had [a lot of opportunities] to ramp up my culinary skills. You’d notice the square brackets used with a lot of opportunities. The truth is I honestly cannot remember having these opportunities, because these opportunities were clashing with other tasks I had to do because I’d definitely choose practicing my guitar over cooking. And so, I got to the United States with subpar culinary skills. The first few months, I lived off eating out.

One fateful day, I was in the lab, extremely famished to the point that I couldn’t see clearly. So I decided to order from a restaurant very close to my lab. It was chicken fried rice and the cost was $9, but that’s not all. The delivery fee was $4 which wasn’t bad at all. I was told I had to pay a service fee also which was $3. “Do you want to donate to a children’s orphanage?” was the next question on my screen. So I donated $3. The tax for my meal was less than a dollar. The total sum was $19. I was getting pissed already. A meal of $9 had suddenly become $19 all because I couldn’t go to the restaurant myself. Fair enough. Then I was asked to tip. In that fine moment of anger, I rounded up the bill to $20 and awaited my food to be delivered.

My food delivery driver finally came. He looked rather sad with a swollen face. It’s only a slight exaggeration to say that he could stare down a bear. We exchanged pleasantries. As I reached for my food, he dipped both hands into his pockets like he was reaching for something. I initially thought he was reaching for his keys, to confirm if he misplaced them during delivery especially with the repeated clinking sound I heard. To my utmost surprise, he brought out some coins. I didn’t count them but there was a lot of them. Then he looked at me and said: “Take your coins. They belong to you. This was the tip you gave me. You could have made it at least $1. This is how we survive.” I was mute and frozen. Then he went further saying: “Please I beg you, we are not paid enough”

At that moment, I was emotive. I knew I should have tipped him more but I had to make a choice - either I donate to the orphanage home or give a larger tip. However, nothing would compel me to spend more than $20 for a $9 meal. I preferred donating to an orphanage home. I have once worked in an orphanage home in Nigeria and I understand the struggles they face daily. Maybe I should have split the extra charge equally, I thought. Still, it was my decision to make. However, I wondered: Aren’t tips meant to be reward for a service rendered? Why is there so much expectation regarding the amount of tip? Well, what if I had only $20 left in my account? Does that mean I shouldn’t be allowed to eat? Again, did he ever care if we were both not paid enough? For me, so many unanswered questions. Still, I resolved to myself to tip more since this beautiful culture of tipping for gratitude had now become an expectation.

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Tipping: From Expectation to Entitlement

I thought I had seen it all.

Fast-forward to a conference in the heart of San Francisco. Surrounded by my astute lab mates whom have become my best friend, I decided to express my gratitude by treating one of them to lunch. We went to a plant-based burger restaurant. The food was tasty but the bill was shocking. For two burgers and milkshakes, my bill was $97. I was about to pay when I was told that the restaurant had a policy of 40 percent tip. The total bill amounted to $135.8. I was shocked. The shock wasn’t coming from the bill but from the daylight robbery without having to hold a gun. The boldness. The confidence. I spoke with the lady to whom I was to pay and asked her why the 40%. She said, “That is how it has always been.” To avoid drama and unnecessary exchanges, I paid. It is in moments like this that I remember the words of a famous academic who once said that the quickest and fastest way to become impoverished is by unbridled generosity. While generosity is an important virtue to have, it shouldn't be used as a mechanism to pay little wages or be leveraged to exploit customers' good intentions.

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Reflections on Tipping

The tipping culture in America has slowly moved from gratitude to expectation and now currently to entitlement. This change, however unpleasant, is the sad reality. Instead of focusing on resenting or encouraging confrontation about the size of a tip given, we should focus on advocating for a fair wage such that it is independent of the whims of customer’s generosity.

Generosity or tipping shouldn't be a social obligation. It also shouldn't be an expectation but rather a genuine appreciation for a service rendered.

One question that has boggled me for decades is: why do bad people exist? And by bad people, I am not referring to common thief or a con man, I am talking about someone that goes to a school, wearing a vest and in that vest contains a bomb, with the evil mastermind plan of detonating the bomb, killing himself first before killing others. Bad people. When I say bad people, I am talking about someone, let’s say a man, that wields a gun, and engages the police for whatsoever reason in a horrid and brutal gun battle when he knows that he is outgunned and outnumbered. And when you ask him why, why don’t you just surrender? He says with an imprudent smile: “I will not go down alone.” Bad people.

And, in fact, because it is not written on the forehead, we have them as friends in our lives, co-workers, and colleagues in our offices. We have them neighbors. In fact, we have them as families. You may rebut and say, ‘I do not have any bad person in my family.’ But then again, I’ll ask you: Have you ever tried to evoke that tendency?

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Marketers call it persuasion. Students call it peer pressure. Security experts call it social engineering. But regardless of how you choose to sugarcoat it, I call it manipulation. And the reason why this people exist is because of manipulation — manipulation from family, manipulation from the government, from the society, and above all, manipulation from a leader. In my quest to understand why bad people exist and how to shield myself from manipulation, I embarked on a journey. I made up my mind to study manipulation. And so, I began to devour books by the finest of authors on manipulation: Blair Warren, Robert Greene. They called it persuasion, which, in fact is still a form of manipulation. Blair called his book: The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion. Quite ingenious, I must say, but little did I know that life had other plans for me.

On August 2nd, 2022, it was a dark cold evening. The sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, leaving the sky shrouded in inky blackness. The air was crisp and biting, as it smelled of nothing. And here I was, coming home from the lab, when I received a phone call from a man - let's call him "the man" - that would change the course of my life for the next two months. I was invited to a meeting. Little did I know that the meeting was a cult. I was manipulated to join a cult. And, of course, it wasn’t the illuminati. Most people believe it’s a folklore anyways. If you are wondering whether I’d have joined the illuminati, well, I would say that your guess is as good as mine.

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The cult initiation process had a duration of twelve months. I was there for two months. Two months of peace. Two months of profound love. Using the word profound seems like a weak attempt to qualify the magnanimity of the love I experienced. Maybe I should say, transcendental love or soulful love. But one thing was certain: The love the world lacked, this cult had.

Towards the end of my two-month experience in the cult, I began to notice a pattern. Maybe I'm right, or maybe not. But they certainly positioned themselves as the sole bearers of truth. It was as if they had found a seat of wisdom and sat upon it. In science, there are no absolute truths, only approximate truths. However, in this society, they were always right, everyone else was wrong, and they will prove it to you. This is a common manipulative tactic, and most times you would be surprised that everything they say, for some reason, makes so much sense to you. It's a subliminal form of manipulation. Now, let's consider another, perhaps less obvious form of manipulation, one that can sometimes even come across as an act of love.

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Stay with me. Today is Mother’s day. Imagine that you have 30 children, all biological. It may seem like a daunting number, but trust me, I know you can handle it. Valentina, the husband of Feodor Vassilyev gave birth to 69 children which is two times more than your children. On this special day, you receive 30 calls, each from one of your children, which is out of the ordinary since they don’t typically call every day. But today, they don’t only call, they speak your love language, showering you with love and giving you their time. At this very moment, the feeling of peace you will experience is indescribable. However, it is important to understand that this phenomenon is known as love bombing and it is a common tactic used by manipulators. Now, imagine you are me, currently doing a PhD, standing at the edge of uncertainty with so many unanswered questions. Do you think you can be manipulated? And for those wondering why we're talking about Mother's Day instead of Father's Day, it's sad that the latter is often less appreciated. So for now, if you're a man, just imagine yourself as a woman for this moment.

You may be surprised about the quality of peace and love I experienced in this cult. The world has taught us that cult societies are bad, and we have believed it. Maybe because of what we see or what the society shows us, we never bothered to ask why. Here lies the danger of a one-sided story that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a celebrated literary figure, has warned us about: that a single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story. And so, when you become aware of the other side of the story, you imagine that these stereotypes are untrue because the storyteller this time tries to convince you otherwise, to invalidate the previous story you have been told. After doing this, they fill a vacuum the world created, becoming near impossible for you to leave. But I did leave.

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Well, I still cannot believe that I was manipulated. I had knowledge of their existence, having read books about them and understood their strategies well. Yet, I still fell victim to their manipulation. And that’s the thing about knowledge— it puffs you up, making you believe you wear an invisibility cloak. Whereas, what ignorance does is the opposite, it makes you aware of your limitations.

While writing this, I remembered Jim Browning of YouTube — at least that is what people know him by. When it comes to the world of hacking the hackers, Jim Browning is your guy. In a world where we are too quick to post things about ourselves online, Jim’s social media presence is null; his identity is in obscurity. His real name is protected. He exposes scammers on his YouTube channel. I like how Wikipedia describe what he does: Jim Browning infiltrates computer networks run by scammers who claim to be technical support experts and use social engineering. On July 26, 2021, there was a fierce battle of the manipulators, the good and bad. It was a silent war in similitude to the cyber attacks orchestrated by the hacktivist group fsociety in the TV series 'Mr. Robot’. Elliot, or should I say, Jim, was the recipient of this attack. It is common knowledge that silent war rarely ends in a tie. The scammers had their lucky break. They pretended to be YouTube support staff. With over a million followers on Jim’s channel, he was manipulated into deleting his own channel. However, it was reinstated four days later when he found out what had happened. How could Jim be manipulated, you may ask?

I have come to a conclusion that everyone can be manipulated, regardless of gender, educational qualification, intellectual stratification or financial status. Everyone can be manipulated. Knowing that you can be manipulated is deep-seated realization, a sigh of relief that instills a tinge of ignorance into the reams and reams of knowledge you have acquired, subtly making you doubt things. The man doesn't believe that he can be manipulated, which is why I have left and he is still there. It's yet a simple but powerful law.

Dear friends, today, as I conclude my speech, I want to leave you with this thought. It’s a hard pill to swallow, and that is why I advise you to read this excerpt from Blair Warren slowly to soften the pill: The truth is, everyone is a manipulator. Good people, bad people, young people, old people - none of us can escape this fact. If we are going to survive, we are going to manipulate. Of course, no one likes to think of himself or herself in this way. Sure, other people manipulate, but not me. You may say: “I have good intentions. I would never do such a thing.” Now, granted, some people won't go out and do it intentionally, but don't be misled. They'll go out and manipulate just the same. You can count on it. Why? Because manipulation is a part of our very existence. We manipulate the environment, we manipulate people and we manipulate circumstances all in an effort to meet our needs and insure our survival. Denying this doesn't make one less of a manipulator. Denying this makes one a less conscious manipulator. And that can make one a less effective manipulator. Whether we are a conscious manipulator or not, it is important that we equip ourselves with the knowledge to recognize and protect ourselves from it. Let us strive to be kind, to spread love and kindness, so that we can create a world where bad people are the exception rather than the norm.

In love and kindness,

Tobi

As I sit at my computer, typing very quickly, I am overwhelmed with the many tasks that need to be completed. I am reminded of my homework deadline on Monday as I am still contemplating if I should pursue a career in the industry or academia. I haven’t also made significant progress with my research in over a year. I know progress is relative, but I am talking about progress that leads to a first-authored publication. That reminds me: who made the rules? Why do we have only twenty-four hours in a day? I think I am hungry too but I cannot stop thinking about ChatGPT, Transformers, LLM and how best to prepare for the future. I don’t even understand how it works in detail. I have watched Siraj Raval’s ChatGPT in five minutes. I know it didn’t take them five minutes to build. I remember Gary Marcus and Yann LeCun twitter bants about the future of AI—two prominent figures in artificial intelligence with contrasting beliefs. Truly, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Academic pressure can be daunting, especially when your job may be threatened by AI. In the midst of this, I am reminded of a contrasting belief episode in my own life. There was a moment in my life that made me really wonder about the differences in the way we think. I was in my fourth year in the University. I had just completed an examination. It was typically those type of exams that you are given six questions and asked to attempt any four. Sometimes, the professor might be tricky and modify the instructions to “attempt question one and any other three”. I left the examination room with a swollen face. It was my deception, a trick I was an expert in. The goal was to pretend that the examination was incredibly tough. The reason for this is simple: It is better to pretend to fail and pass, than to be confident in your abilities and fail. This trick is prevalent in African Institutions. Why will you say the examination was easy? What if you fail? or how do you plan to pacify others that had a worse experience with the exam? You have to lie — maybe not you, but I did, and I was consistent with it. And as you rightly predicted, I always got caught. Whenever the results came out and my grades were not bad, I would say it was God.

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The peculiar thing about this day wasn’t the examination I wrote. It was my interaction with a classmate. She had an impressive height but her compassion was taller. I remember how she softly said: “Tobi, why are you so sad? What is the problem?” It was time for me to begin my sequence of deception. “What I studied did not appear in the examination”, I said. “How did you answer questions 1Ai and 3Bix?”, I continued. It was customary for examination questions to have babies. And so for every four questions you choose out of 6, be that as it may, you may be indirectly answering twenty questions. My classmate looked with despair. “Is this why you are sad?”, she asked with a disarming smile. “The instructions stated very clearly: attempt any four questions”, she continued, holding the question paper with both hands, as she made effort to direct my gaze to the instructions brushing off the gusto of the wind.

I was quiet. I didn’t understand what she was trying to explain. I had read the instructions and I followed it. Why do you want to answer four questions when the instructions clearly stated you should attempt any four?, she said again but this time with a poker face. We walked out of the examination room with two contrasting emotions, my classmate looking stoic while I was looking confused, grabbling to understand the point she was trying to pass across. The Professor clearly knew that we won’t be able to answer all questions that is why ‘attempt’ was used rather than ‘answer’, she added. “And if it makes you feel better, I only answered two questions. Also, I also could not answer question 1Ai and 3Bix”, she retorted as she hurried to join the queue so as not to miss the University shuttle bus. After she departed, I went to the cafeteria, seeking comfort in my favorite meal. Since I couldn’t use lithium, which is a mood stabilizer, I relied on food to make me calm. After all, as Dr Mark Hyman, known for his expertise in functional medicine, rightly states: "Food is not just fuel, it's information. It talks to your DNA and tells it what to do”

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I spoke with my classmate a few weeks ago. She is now a senior software engineer at a technology company in Germany and relocated last year with her beautiful family. She showed me several pictures of her son. Just like his mother, I saw a glimmer of compassion in his eyes. We spoke at length and caught up on old times. It’s quite hilarious, but whenever I think about her, the first thought that comes to mind is ‘attempt, not answer’. Now in the third year of my PhD, I miss those moments when I had to lie that things were tough. I miss those moments when my gloomy face was a pretense. I miss those moments when the goal was just to pass an exam. I miss those moments when textbooks had all the answers. Now my lie has now become my truth.

Writing is hard, but what’s more difficult is writing about people that have inspired and helped you publicly. I know it may not be your reality, but it is mine. I have been greatly helped by a lot of people. Writing about people that have been a shoulder for you in times of difficulty should be easy. After all, there are lots of experiences to share and stories to tell. You might even have photographic evidence to back up your points. It’s like putting a pen to paper for an artist and mouth to a microphone for a musician. However, the difficult part is not the writing itself, it’s the ‘remembering’. The consequences of forgetting to acknowledge someone important can be much more severe than the feeling you may derive by acknowledging those who have helped you.

I know you may think that for you to forget someone ‘important‘, it clearly means that they were not so important in your life after all. But the reality is that these individuals may have played a vital role in getting you to where you are today even if they are not currently present in your life. It is possible that they may have been very instrumental during a specific stage of your life, but not as much as your current season. You know these things but you may not be aware of the potential harm present in forgetting to acknowledge those that have greatly being of help. Does this mean you should continue acknowledging someone who helped you 25 years ago? Does it mean you should stop publicly acknowledging someone? It's important to find what works for you.

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I remember reading the acknowledgement section of my senior colleagues’ theses that completed their doctoral program. I couldn’t help but sense the obligation to list the names of everyone who had greatly assisted them throughout their program. It was a long list of names; names I did recognize and names I did not. However, one thing was certain: they all forgot to list names of people who I knew played a significant role in their success. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing but it is something that stood out to me.

It is customary for me to yearly acknowledge people who have been of great assistance to me. There have been instances when I have deliberately omitted certain names, not because they are not valuable to me, but because I felt that the timing was not right. Acknowledging them too early could have been misinterpreted. But even though I tried so hard to remember everyone, I forgot many. Imagine for a split second what those who I deliberately skipped could have thought if I made a public post without acknowledging their kindness.

I often come across LinkedIn posts, full of acknowledgments, thanking people who have been of great service to them, but these posts are heavily edited. And I am sure that they were edited multiple times. If LinkedIn was to be open about how many times a post has been edited, and the names that were added as an afterthought, you would be shocked by the numbers.

Acknowledging people publicly is good, especially if it is required in your line of business, but remember that it requires a lot of hard work. Also, it is important not to forget someone important or be prepared to dance without a music.

What are your thoughts about this?

Until next time, stay on your path to greatness!

Whenever I listen to fancy instagram public speakers say: Be yourself. I pause, then I ask myself: What sort of advice is this?

First, let me clarify this by saying: You, currently in this meeting, are not being yourself. You are acting, probably that’s why you are using a virtual background. I am acting too. If I choose to be myself for just a split second, I might ruin this presentation because naturally I talk fast, fast enough that you won’t be able to catch what I’ll be saying. Also, I laugh a lot when I talk. Imagine I try to be myself and give this presentation laughing? But this is my way of acting. Everyone has theirs and you also have yours.  But with all this acting, it is very important to show kindness to people you meet because everyone is going through a lot and very few would tell you about their problems.

I have a beautiful story about kindness to tell you today, and this is a story of mixed emotions. It’s the story of an angel on earth. This angel is not a woman or a lady as it is customary to represent angels with women and maybe demons with men. Today’s angel is a man. His name is David and he was my teaching assistant.

Just a quick background story. So I began graduate school with the sole aim of finding a cure to blindness. Because of this, I made a switch from computer science to biomedical engineering. I hadn’t done biology in 10 years before making this switch but as you rightly guessed, I listened to fancy instagram public speakers again before making the switch. Do you know what they said this time? "Everything is possible". They were wrong.

Anyways, I started my PhD journey with an advanced biology course. It was a flaming start. Questions like: Where does blood come from? How does covid vaccine work, was insanely new to me. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. The course was very tough. But I had my angel, David. He was always there for me.

One memory that has outlived its relevance but still remains in my heart was on February 15th, 2021. The weather was cold and grey. The ground was covered with a 15 inch snow. David was stuck in his lab till 11 pm. We met on Zoom from 5 pm to 11 pm.  I still remember his almost perfect smile. I call it almost perfect smile because I could see he was tired, but he still let out a smile. I miss David.

Why am I telling you this? Something tragic happened to David that made me realize the brevity of life. How fickle can life be? David is not dead. David is alive but he had quit his PhD program. He was supposed to get his PhD some time this year, but he quit and left with a Masters three months ago. I was heartbroken with despair. I contacted David few weeks ago by composing the most beautiful and thoughtful message I have ever written in my life.  David responded to my message: Here is what he said:

Do you know the promise I made to myself when I found out that David left his PhD program? I said to myself: Regardless of the opportunities people think having a PhD brings, David will never suffer or lack as long as I am alive. It’s a deep promise but it is one I intend to keep. Do you have someone in your life that can make such promises to you, probably apart from your parents or children? If you were to lose all your possessions, do you have people in your life that will stand by you? People may forget your name, may forget your face, but people never forget how you made them feel. Let this word be your anchor.

This is the transcript of my UIC Toastmaster speech on 15th February, 2022.

I am a storyteller, and today I have a personal story I’d like to share with you titled: Who do you think you are? It is a simple question, yet, it is one that you may not have an answer to.

A few weeks ago, I presented my research in a conference in San Francisco. It was a gathering of many industry experts. I was with my ambitious and ever-hardworking colleagues. Everyone at the conference came armed with knowledge to inspire, whereas I had a different plan entirely. I wanted to have fun. I had spent the past one year in the lab, studying, with just a week break in between. I didn’t plan to waste my time listening to the boring presentations in the conference, or maybe I should  talk lightly so I do not offend the academics we have here, I didn’t plan to spend my time listening to presentations alone. I planned to network with different people. So I bought the best suit my phd stipends could afford and I wore my deeply polished brown brogue shoe with my conservatively narrow black tie.

Second day in the conference, I walked up to some of the organizers feeling very cute. I could easily identify them with their black classical tags which had the inscription: SPIE Staff. I waved at them and I modulated my voice slightly to show excitement: “Hey, how are you doing?”, I said. I noticed how they grinned with excitement; and as they were about to respond, I quickly interjected with a deep and gravelly voice to earn their respect: “What do you do?”, I asked. They looked slightly confused. It was unusual for a student-attendee to ask this kind of question. One of the organizers responded while the others observed as she spoke. I could bet she was the team leader with the way she smiled excessively. “That’s one of the unwritten rules being a leader, you have to pretend to be happy.”  She then gave me a summary of what her job entailed and slowly introduced the others to me. I nodded my head routinely as she spoke to feign interest. Then I proceeded again to ask her another question, but this time, with a stern smile: “Can I meet your CEO?”, I said. Their confusion this time was visible to the blind and audible to the deaf. I had previously connected with the CEO on LinkedIn so I brought out my phone, and showed her the picture of the CEO, a proof that I wasn’t drunk on wine or high on drugs. “Well, ooour CEO is everywhere”, she stuttered, “but you can meet with him today. We will be having a photonics homecoming by 9pm and he will be there, so get ready to meet with him.”, she continued. I later didn’t attend the homecoming because I had to go out with my senior colleagues in my lab. They will be graduating in May, so I chose to enjoy the memorable time I have left with them over meeting the CEO.

A week ago, my housemate introduced me to a dating app. The name of app is called Amori. Such a caring young man! He didn’t want me to die single. I joined the app and later realized that the app is for the unemployed because it seems as though the creators of the app made a promise to the time god to steal your time. It was like clubhouse which means you must always be present . I left a few days after I joined. I am not much of a talker but nobody ever believes. The next day, my housemate asked me: “Why did you leave?” “I’m too busy”, I responded. “Oh, understandable”, he replied. “The CEO of Amori is always on the app with us and she is also very sweet”, he said again with a disarming smile.

At that instant, I told him I needed to speak with the CEO. “Do you have the CEO’s contact”, I asked. I knew for sure that information like this is so easy for my housemate to obtain because he is an expert in matters of the heart, especially with the opposite gender. He asked why I wanted to speak with the CEO but I was mute. To be frank, I didn’t really know why. But with my background in computer science, I was very certain I had so many things to discuss with the CEO. Why do you think the CEO wants to talk to you, Tobi? I froze. “Who do you think you are?” he asked again and I froze.

The questions he asked struck a chord in my heart: Who do I think I am? Two quotes by the King of Strategy Robert Greene came to my heart at that instant: The first: "Exhibit a remarkable confidence and people will think that your confidence comes real knowledge. You will create a self fulfilling prophecy. People’s belief in you will translate into actions that will help you realize your visions." The second: "Confidence is important but if it is as a result of the self-appraisal of yourself, it is mere grandiosity and smugness." I therefore throw the question my housemate asked me to you: Who do you think you are? You are unsure? Here’s what I’d like you to do: Find out who you are.

🎨 Impressions

I started reading this book for two good reasons. For the first reason, I needed a good distraction from research work. I also needed a book I could read and complete at a stretch without breaks or pauses and this book made that happen.  While reading this book, I realized that I had practiced most of the principles it contained by closely observing the work of the people I love. Still, this is a book I will always refer to whenever I need some creative juice!

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.

2. The great thing about dead or remote masters is that they can’t refuse you as an apprentice. You can learn whatever you want from them. They left their lesson plans in their work.

3. Nobody is born with a style or a voice. We don’t come out of the womb knowing who we are. In the beginning, we learn by pretending to be others. We learn by copying.

Extra point:  Chew on one thinker—writer, artist, activist, role model—you really love. Study everything there is to know about that thinker. Then find three people that thinker loved, and find out everything about them. Repeat this as many times as you can.

Who Should Read It?

• If you’ve not read a book in a long time, I suggest you start with this. All examples in it are completely relatable.

• If you enjoy creating stuff and you feel overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure, Austin Kleon wrote this book for you.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

• “If you try to devour the history of your discipline all at once, you’ll choke. Chew on one thinker—writer, artist, activist, role model—you really love. Study everything there is to know about that thinker. Then find three people that thinker loved, and find out everything about them. Repeat this as many times as you can.” This book made me even more deliberate about what and who I need to focus on per time.

• It made me generally more comfortable asking for help and review.

• After reading this book, I started using my hands more whenever I needed to be in a creative zone rather than my keyboard.

• It made me comfortable having a side hobby and project. I know this because grad school is demanding enough not to have a side hobby or project. But the truth is this: Ideas generally develop from these side projects. On the long run, these ideas may be helpful in research.  In Austin’s word: practice productive procrastination.

✍️ My Top 3 Quotes

1. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic.

2. It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

3. Start copying what you love. Copy copy copy copy. At the end of the copy you will find your self.

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. Live a life of service without really thinking about reward

2. A go-giver equation becomes complete when you choose to receive

3. You will have what you focus on

🎨 Impressions

I started reading this book strangely with the intention of stopping halfway and maybe picking it up the next day but it wasn't possible. This book held me spell-bound. It has a mocktail of comedy and truth. I could actually relate to most of the things there because I have seen these laws work for people. The amazing thing this book did for me is that it gave names to the principles I knew but couldn't define.

Who Should Read It?

• I think everyone who is interested in getting more out of life should definitely read this book.

• Also if you are passionate about having more from life or you feel you've silently being chosen to change the world 😆, then this book is for you.

• If you are not a book person - maybe English is not also your best language - then this book is for you because the words here are not grandiose or grandiloquent. They are simple to understand and follow-through.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

How my life / behavior / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of reading the book.

• It made me generally become more comfortable with focusing on the good in every situation

• It made me generally become more comfortable in opening myself to the power of giving and also completing the go-giver equation by receiving

• It made me re-examine my life if truly I have people that truly want me to succeed without the need of being rewarded.

• It made me realise that genuinely great people and successful people are always willing to tell you their 'trade secret' because what they always do is to serve.

✍️ My Top 3 Quotes

1. Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

2. Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

3. Watch out for the other guy. Watch out for his interests. Watch his back. Forget about fifty-fifty, son. Fifty-fifty’s a losing proposition. The only winning proposition is one hundred percent. Make your win about the other person, go after what he wants. Forget win-win—focus on the other person’s win.

📒 Summary + Notes

Random annotations, contemplations and thoughts that tugged at my heartstrings while reading

• People do not believe in giving because they are not as successful as they want to be.

• How good people survive surprises everyone. Be good to people regardless of what they think about you.

• Learn how to tell beautiful stories. Hearing Pindar tell stories made me remember a tweet by James Clear about storytelling. Storytelling is an art. It is really important you have illustrations about everything - stories that you can tell in every situations and the only way you have become a wonderful storyteller is by reading a lot of historical contents and also writing a lot of stories. Telling stories makes it easier for people to understand you.

Life is a soap bubble. Sometimes, it is difficult to tell the color you see. Other times, you may see blue or red. When I began my PhD studies in 2021, I was betwixt and between. Although my motivation was deep and primal, I had so many unanswered questions and I still do. The future became uncertain and I lost my ability to see through things. I remember the first thing I did when I began my PhD and landed in the United States was to get a whiteboard. I quickly doodled, in marker: “What can I do to cure blindness?” Perhaps this is why I wake up with the brio to be more and do more.

A few days ago, I completed Mastery by Robert Greene. I remember the first time I was exposed to this book during my undergraduate years. Robert Greene, in his characteristic way of weaving through the experiences of others, provided a foolproof blueprint for thin-air success. I remember how fascinated I was; the sheer brilliance of his writing; the anecdotes he put on display that left me flummoxed, thinking, he is the biblical King Solomon in human form; practical examples of versatile and historical luminaries such as Charles Darwin, Benjamin Franklin, while exuding the attributes and ironclad principles that made them masters. The advice from the book was self-defeating to me because of its fiefdom of relevance; the culture of learning as an undergraduate mostly involved passive absorption and book learning which limited the jurisdiction of a life of self-fulfillment. Reading the book for the second time, again, made me realize the curse of knowledge and reminded me, in the words of Spinoza: all things excellent are as difficult as they are rare. One way of living a life of self-fulfillment is by enrolling in a graduate school. With the latitude of experiential learning, you are provided with the opportunity to access untrammeled mind transformation and establish your own unique learning path.

Charles Darwin, the scientist who revolutionized evolutionary biology, wrote to the captain of the Beagle: “My second life will then commence, and it shall be as a birthday for the rest of my life”. It was an opportunity for Charles to be free from his wealthy father bearing down on him — the high hopes, the unrealistic expectations, the legacy to protect. And so Charles was very excited when he got the invitation to join the HMS Beagle as ship’s naturalist for five years, which was pivotal in his influence on modern thought. With a huge smile plastered on my face, my excitement was evident when I began my PhD studies, commencing my own second life.

With my motivation, nothing else mattered to me. I cared less about sleep or eating right. Mamba’s tendentious ‘nobody can outwork me’ mentality was my vade mecum. Who doesn’t like Kobe Bryant? His grit. His ability to delay gratification. He is Mamba. I like, though, that he imbibes the principle of intestinal fortitude to the letter, with no temptation to be nice to yourself. Then, I created a list of quixotic fantasies which I dubbed: PhD declarations. I had read a lot of biographies of high achievers so coming up with the items on the list was no-brainer. I was also a meticulous record keeper. On Notion, I saved different names of people that inspire me, in some way, in a column. The other column, I tersely put down how I feel about them. For instance, I have Maithra Raghu in a column. The other column: senior research scientist at Google; Forbes 30U30; started her PhD at Cornell 2014; published her first paper 2016; interned at Google 2015; became a student researcher 2016; research associate in 2018 before finally becoming a senior research scientist 2019; finished her PhD at Cornell 2020; feeling stuck with your PhD, read article here. When I am alone, and overwhelmed with research, I set up online meetings with the names I saved on Notion. I like how my colleagues in the lab refer to these meetings. I am so grateful that they exist. They have now become my best friends. They call it: “Tobi and his business meetings”

I have the most unrealistic doctoral dream, I know you are tempted to, but please, do not ask me how many papers I have published at this moment. I know the maths do not add up now, and perceptibly so — may be the same in future.  Please do not ask me if I plan to go into academia or industry because at this time, I am an apprentice in development, like the chrysalis of a butterfly. An apprentice goal is not money, a good position, a title or a diploma but rather the transformation of mind and character.

I am reviewing a paper that I have repeatedly had to check the internet for the meaning of many academic lingo, foreign to my cochlea. Sometimes, I wonder: When will I be able to review a paper without consulting the internet too frequently? We live in a culture that generally values intellect and reasoning with words. In acquiring any new skill — especially when getting a PhD, the natural learning process coincides with our brain. This is referred to as tacit knowledge — a feeling where what you do is easy to demonstrate but hard to put into words. I have experienced numerous aha moments while reading papers: And so this is what the authors really mean! Why do they express themselves using complex lingo? Why cell motility not cell movement?

Getting a PhD is all about making mistakes; failing fast and forward and the cross-fertilization of knowledge. You must get comfortable with wasting time. I like how Nobel laureate Steven Weinberg puts it: It is very hard to know which problems are important. Hence, you must get comfortable in wasting time. My first year was full of naivety, misconceptions about this new world and many insecurities.  In the end, as I move towards resistance and pain with repeated exposure to frustration, that I find where I fit, my tribe, and do good science and research.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”– Yehuda Berg

Writing and eloquence are two things I want to master in life. While I am at the process of mastering writing and eloquence, there is a need to reward good speakers or writers with encouraging words. In this short post which I always will be updating, I reveal presentation comments  I use that have made presenters grin from ear to ear.  Although I do not sell ice-cream, I love making people happy — especially those making a presentation. I do this by leaving positive feedback with a liberally sprinkled dose of humor.

Feel free to use them whenever you want to sound funky! As it is commonly said: "Ideas are like babies crying in church, they must be carried out immediately." Also, it is possible for us to have be in the same ethereal dimension that gave birth to these feedback.

1. If this was America's Got Talent show, I would have hit the buzzer. You have the confidence of an army.

2. I cannot believe I listened to you for free. I am so lucky. Thank you for your time and patience. You explained those esoteric concepts with ease.

3. I loved every bit of your presentation.  My favorite part was how you smiled and gleamed with confidence.

4. I think you'll make a very fine Professor. The synergy with your audience is one that I really enjoy and admire. Also, the spirit of camaraderie you created made your presentation even more noteworthy.

5. If I had brought my largest cup, your wealth of knowledge will never stop flowing!

6. Your presentation was shattering glass ceilings. It felt like you could read my mind all through as each consecutive words you spoke erased the previous doubts I had.

7. Your presentation tugged at my heartstrings a lot and played a beautiful melody in my heart. Do you want me to sing the melody?

8. Borrowing loosely from the words of a famous preacher: I was blessed by your presentation. Your presentation has tremendously blessed me.  Thank you for blessing me with your excellent presentation.

Who is the busiest person in the world?

History is peppered with names of inspiring geniuses, written on the sands of time, who became catalyst of innovation and evolution. These geniuses existed with a splendid nature of diversity. While some appeared in overly large lab coat with the habitude of pushing their oversized glasses down their nose and index finger under their nose, others existed as prodigy in mathematics, performing complex calculations in thanos snap. The other variants, which are rarely spoken of, are completely normal and happy people. In my time on planet earth, never have I seen those who are genuinely busy referred to as a genius.

But, before diving in, let me give some context on why I am writing an article on becoming successful when there are pending articles to publish on deep learning and the ‘crowd pleasing’ artificial intelligence.

My failed “attempt” at becoming a genius

In junior school, I desperately wanted to be as smart as Adebisi. No matter the intensity of my reading or studying, Adebisi still emerged the best in the class. There was absolutely no reading strategy that wasn’t employed at this phase of my life. Adebisi always had her ways.

What strategies did I employ?

The bucket of water trick which involved putting my legs in water almost knee-deep in order to completely annihilate sleep. The pacing trick which involved walking haphazardly at intervals in all direction during night hour churning out polysyllabic zingers like a machine gun, with sleepy eyes but with the irrefragable determination of “rest when you are done and not when you are tired”. Jim Rohn’s speech captures this paradox: “You do it or you die”.

The rewriting your note trick — worst and least effective trick of all; a strategy I have grown to despise because of what is required: lots of food. And like chalk and cheese, the energy dissipated during a study session, by and large, is not for a moment commensurate to the result of recall. I used songs, mnemonics, mind map but all failed because I wasn’t the “best”. I even recorded my voice while reading and fell asleep while listening to the playback but none of all these seem to make me a genius. Although reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary, the closest I ever got to Adebisi was to be her second.

Why am I sharing this, you may ask yourself? I do not know why — probably because of the struggles faced while trying to be the “best” or should I say be a genius? I wondered. I remember the little details of this struggle — How apart from normal school session which starts by 7:30 AM and ends by 2:45 PM, I had extra lessons in school for circa two hours before finally retiring back home by 6 PM. Isaiah 48:2 says “there is no rest for the wicked”. I wasn’t wicked, I just wanted to be a genius yet there was no time for rest. On getting home, there was a home tutor whose duty was solely to teach, mentor and inspire. Even at my wit’s end, two-hour home tutoring was a bane I had to deal with.

This atypical style of education is common to all African parents especially those whose parents are teachers. One would have imagined that even after being coopered up, I should have found solace with sleep or perhaps a more fun activity like playing video games. Still, it was mandatory that I studied for another 4 hours before finally going to bed.

If there was a time in my life that I was meant to be the “smartest student alive”, it supposedly should have been in my junior school. There was really no distraction at this stage. I was focused to a large extent; reading dictionary during my pastime earned me the moniker “living dictionary” Did I ever watch TV? Probably the mind captivating “who wants to be a millionaire” television game show, “nkan nbe” or how I often had to plea severally before I could be allowed to seldom watch super story anthology television drama series.

It wasn’t a no-brainer trying to be a genius. Although I had the starter park — lefthandedness & reading glasses due to myopia — it was simply a herculean task for me trying to keep up with the intelligence and smartness of humans. Even as artificial intelligence keep climbing the charts, it still cannot be compared to human intelligence

In Why Humans Will Always Be Smarter Than Artificial Intelligence, consultant Phil Wainewright writes:

People will always be faster to adjust than computers, because that’s what humans are optimized to do. Maybe sometime many years in the future, computers will catch up with humanity’s ability to define new categories — but in the meantime, humans will have learned how to harness computing to augment their own native capabilities. That’s why we will always stay smarter than AI.

From my childhood experience, I had firsthand knowledge that being busy doesn’t guarantee you becoming a genius. Since I clearly couldn’t become a genius with the amount of hours spent studying, I decided to pursue something else — I decided to pursue success.

Is Success Dependent On Hard work?

Hard work is a far cry, and it is totally overhyped. The easiest way to be successful is to find somebody building something great, invest quickly and help the person rise. If I am to choose between relationship between geniuses or extremely smart people and hard work, I will definitely go for the latter.

Here’s why.

There was a student in my senior year in the University. He had a gradepoint of 3.01/5.00. He told me of his success stories while he was in secondary school — the smorgasbord of awards he bagged and how he represented his school in series of international competitions. These tales weren’t cunningly device fables as Peter would say, I remember the effort he put into the second semester, literally spending all his night in the school, reading voraciously, ravenously and mindlessly, aiming to have a pretty high GPA in the semester. Now he wasn’t bothered about being the best like I was — he just wanted to succeed. At the end of the semester, his superhuman effort landed him a 3.02/5.00 which wasn’t commensurate to the intensity of his study. It was as though he didn’t prepare enough. An experience like this brought to fore the realization that hard work doesn’t necessarily equate to success. Nobody cares if you read for long hours or not. No one is interested in stories that galvanizes self drudgery or pity. I would also suggest that you should meet with your motivational speakers for lunch over coffee so that they meticulously explain what they mean by: “Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard”.

The Unary Rule of Success

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” — Henry David Thoureau

You are here because you are looking for the perfect little nugget that will change your life.

Huh?

Let’s say you are invited to my house for the first time. You ask for directions, I tell you. You get to my bus stop, call to ask if it’s a trekking distance. Of course it is for me, but it won’t be for you. You eventually gain the strength and confidence by every experience to walk down rather than taking a bus. You get to my house panting, thirsty, looking for a place to lay your head to rest. This is what happens when you pursue success — your mind is solely focused on the outcome rather than the process. And yet — after thinking about this for a while, I’ve come to an unpleasant conclusion:

The moment you are seeking for it, you will never get it. Success was never designed to be pursued. When a part of you strives desperately for success. Every part of you will never get it.

Success is a process — with no complicated rules — rather than a destination.

What No One Will Tell You About True Success.

We live in a world of men; the earth, the heavens, even the heavens of heavens belong to the world but the earth has he given to the sons of men. The cosmos is a domain that is controlled and managed by man. If you know God alone, you will do well but you will not succeed in the cosmos, you need to know both God and men. The gatekeepers in this realm are men. — Joshua Selman

Success is a paradox. Let me tell you why:

Even with an unfair advantage, everybody is a potential candidate of failure until you exempt yourself. This means that without a level of grit, failure is imminent. On another note, one of my dearly revered mentors referred to success as being too easy. In his words:

“If the goal in life is for you and I to be successful, then it is too easy.” — James Fowe

At first, I was flustered. How is becoming successful an easy goal? You know, I spent a quantifiable amount of my life thinking that the only way I can be successful is by “being the best” — a careless lie I chose to believe for decades! This statement brought to fore two realizations that will corroborate how “easy” success can be. First, you will never succeed in life if you are not mentored and trained. Training and mentorship is how successful people are made and how people can be sustainably successful. I don’t care if you’re a genius or not, I have learnt and I am more convinced than before that training and mentorship is how successful people are made. The story of Claude Shannon, the genius that revolutionalized information theory, revealed that he was a product of mentorship and training.

In 10,000 Hours With Claude Shannon: How A Genius Thinks, Works, and Lives, award-winning author — A Mind At Play: Claude Shannon And The Invention Of Information — Jimmy Soni writes:

Shannon’s most pivotal mentor was probably his graduate school advisor at MIT, Vannevar Bush, who went on to coordinate the American scientific effort in WWII and became the first presidential science advisor. Bush recognized Shannon’s genius, but he also did what mentors are supposed to do — he pushed Shannon out of his comfort zone in some productive ways.

Mentorship is not also listening to someone speaking or reading their books, liking and retweeting their tweets on twitter, it is about humility. It is you saying: I am willing, able and ready to submit myself to be trained and I will insist until I understand.

Another interesting fact about success that no one ever tells you is that success is spiritual. This is, by far and large, the most underestimated truth of successful people in human history. Your lifetime is too short to create all the track record you need. Do not be deceived, even with your speed-reading ability, you cannot read all the books in this life. You cannot know what the future holds. You need to able perceive what is useful as far as a context, dispensation or a civilization is concerned, paying attention to the secret that will make you dominate the cosmos. In 1985, Steve Jobs made eerily accurate predictions about the future of technology. There are many claims on the internet that proves to you that Steve Jobs did not believe in any religion. Hardly can anyone confirm if he was truly spiritual but it was said also that he was greatly inspired by a spiritual book titled:Autobiography of a Yogi” by Pramahansa Yogananda.

Culled from Wikipedia page on ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’

One of the most famous advocates of the book was Steve Jobs, the co-founder, and formerly Chairman and CEO of Apple Inc. Jobs “first read Autobiography of a Yogi as a teenager, then re-read [the book]. Autobiography of a Yogi has inspired people, such as Steve Jobs, co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc. Walter Isaacson, a biographer, records that Jobs “first read [it] as a teenager, then re-read [it] in India and had read [it] once a year ever since.”[20] Marc Benioff, CEO of CRM and Cloud Computing To Grow Your Business — Salesforce.com, told his story of attending Steve Jobs memorial service, where the attendees were handed a small brown box on their way out. “This is going to be good,” he thought. “I knew that this was a decision he made, and whatever it was, it was the last thing he wanted us all to think about.” The box contained a copy of Paramahansa Yogananda’s book, “Autobiography of a Yogi.”[21]

The Bottom Line

They say “appearance can be deceitful”. I choose to say “appearance of successful people can be deceitful” because most successful people will tell you tales of their “merciless drudgery and hard work” while inciting you to get angry with poverty but will leave you to dear life to wrap arms around you, squeezing you tight until you draw breath no more. But you must remember to keep breathing, because your breath is your anchor.

It’s a common rule of thumb to forget the story and celebrate the glory. Without mincing words, no one is interested in your merciless drudgery or the amount of time you put in getting things done. The shame-shamble history repeats itself; we all want to be celebrated. Most of the time, we are aware that some lies must be carefully crafted for a success story to evolve. We know this, yet we choose to live in a world of perfection where the seeming rules of success are disavowed by mere mortals.

We live in a world were the idea of necessary lies is laughable but the idea of living a perfect life, one with no blemish or stain, is not. This quaint idea in many instances stems from both cultural and hand-me-down religious beliefs that tends toward quixotic fantasies. Only if we can take a moment to critically examine what we have been told so as to dimiss that which insults our soul. As easy as it seems, sadly, it is barely possible.

Sapiens as written by: Yuval Noah Harari, examines the characteristics of the mankind we know of today, homo sapiens, that made us to survive as prehistoric humans and dominate. These characteristics lie in our ability to believe in the supernatural, cultural and value system. Only six million years prior, a solitary female ape had two little girls: One became the ancestor of all chimpanzees, the other is our very own grandmother. Many may not believe this due the addiction we derive in our value system that ceaselessly fills our conviction. Our belief system prompted our survival amongst every single other specie of man. Thus, it is almost impossible to change a man’s belief.

I believe there are necessary lies, and this might dent your idea of perfection. But of course, my belief originates from actual principles and laws from the lives of successful people that work. These two principles I have come up with are strictly empirical and not biased. Therefore, it is pertinent to note that whatever ideology I have come up with, it is left for you to critically examine further in order to reach a definitive closure.

1# The Canard Principle

This principle stems from the popular anxious priori approach that governs a man. A canard man believes everything he sees on the “information superhighway”. Likely perturbing, the canard man thus becomes terribly perplexed and often disgruntled about life. Everyone is going too fast… everybody has accomplished a lot. Lurking deep in even the most civilized amongst us is the basic fear of comparison, and we fail to tamp it down. Because of this, a lot of stress and energy is put into becoming like the people on the internet causing the mind to lose its balance. After all, our desperation is constantly fueled by the notion that perfection is achievable in our mortal eyes.

The necessary lie desired is in tandem with the fourth spiritual law of success — the law of least effort. This law was carefully designed to prune out the obsession with perfection. Needing something desperately puts you in the position of not having it. Ergo, it is better you tread life with ease and negate everything people say about themselves on the internet, thus letting your mind become as fluid as water. Your time and energy are limited. Obviating from the truth that some might actually be who they claim to be, it is important to note that the farther you are from the truth, the more fluid your mind becomes. This skill — a very useful one — helps to filter your mind through the metaphor of the matrix for clarity of purpose. Once you learn this skill, your options suddenly expand creating enough time and energy for the things that matter.

2# The Overkill Principle

Life is so unfair, and the earlier you acknowledge this, the better for you. Even for success to occur, sometimes, you will realise that Newton’s third law of motion doesn’t hold — your input does not commensurate to your output. Likewise, waiting for success to come to you can be described as a spectacular display of madness or simply a waste of time. This brings us to the familiarity of the parlance: ‘fake it till you make it’ or if you prefer, ‘faith it till you make it’. The overkill principle is centered on yielding to expectations and believing in it. This requires your intentionality in every form. You must push yourself, in other words ‘overkill’ in order to create an aura of entitlement to prepare you for the inadvertence of success.

Phil Knight — the creator of Nike — in his book revealed that he told an honest lie in order to strike a deal with the Japanese. He cunningly told a carefully designed fable and claimed he had an office on the East Coast when it was not true in reality. He is also known for series of prevarications, although, he backed up his claims with hardwork and sheer doggedness. This is a necessary lie we must desire.

“I’d tell men and women in their midtwenties not to setlle for a job or a profession or even a career. Seek a calling. Even if you don’t know what that means, seek it. If you are following your calling, the fatigue will be easier to bear, the dissappointments will be fuel, the highs will be like nothing you’ve ever felt” — Excerpt from: Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of NIKE” by Phil Knight.

The Bottom Line

The old maxim that says: “Lying is bad and you should invariably tell the truth” isn’t always true. In fact, it is quite clear that there are honest lies that we need to embrace in order to succeed and their essentiality cannot be over emphasised. This brings us to a new panorama that these are not mere lies; they are necessary lies.

”You believe in honesty” — That’s mistake #1

“Many believe that by being honest and open they are winning people’s hearts and showing their good nature. They are greatly deluded. “ — Robert Greene.

There are two kinds of people in this life: Those that believe in luck and those that do not believe in luck. These two kinds of people have often seemingly diametric thoughts.

The former belief stems from a veritable cornucopia of rules, principles and ideologies by religious leaders. The belief is further propped up by mutating life events — some that makes you feel hapful and overly fortunate.

The latter, in contrast, stems from a room of inveterate pain and misfortune. No one can convince these kinds because of the age-long experiences they have transpierced. These kinds of people uphold the principles of merciless hard work and drudgery. It is very easy to identify these kinds of people with their chorale: “You can never succeed in life if you do not work very hard. Nothing beats hard work. There is nothing like luck”.

Many of us have read books, attended conferences and discussions about luck. On top of that, there seem not to be any improvement in our lives. This is rather because of the information we’ve gathered over the years — a mocktail of truth and myth. Once we eliminate the two of those brawny myths that have worked their way into our lives, only then can we unearth results.

Myth 1: Doing good will bring you good luck.

Myth 2: Hard work will bring you good luck.

You’re greatly deluded to think that by doing good to people or by your merciless drudgery, you redeem yourself more luck.

If you have read the story of Ken Saro-Wiwa( a Nigerian writer and environmental activist that was executed for carrying out a non-violent campaign against environmental degradation of the land and waters of Ogoni land ), then you might agree with me that doing good doesn’t bring you luck. There are myriads of other sad and terrible stories, that will make you weep simply because of the price paid for doing good. The sad thing about the popular activist story is that he wasn’t executed by miscreants. He was executed by the government in power!

I have come to a conclusion about doing good. Don’t get me wrong, It’s good to be good. But when it comes to getting a reward in heaven or earth, doing good guarantees you that. Your reward might be favour, sometimes, or might be received in heaven and not on earth as you hoped for.

Without further ado, I’ll be revealing the four irrefutable secrets to long-lasting luck in life that leads to unlimited greatness!

Rule 1: Be A Voracious Risk Taker.

Limitless luck comes to those who are aggressive risk takers. Risk comes in various forms and degree: emotional risk, intellectual risk, social risk, financial risk and so on. You’re scared to spend your last dime to pay for that conference that will change your life. You’re scared to solve that math problem simply because you’ve not been taught. You’re scared to approach that professor in the bus because you feel he has more knowledge than you or because you’re overwrought he might not respond well. You’re scared of being a speaker in that conference because you stutter when you’re nervous. You feel there are people more knowledgeable than you and you’re worried about the questions they might ask. You’re scared of pitching your idea to that young CEO. You feel he might steal your idea and leave you empty…

The truth is, I’ve been there before. Mine was even worse. I was very diffident to talk to that “AI organizer” Guess what? I did talk to her, and of course, with a gleam of confidence. So I understand how you feel and I feel that way sometimes — the fluidity of your mind, yet the emptiness and confusion. But I want you to know that if you’re not willing to spend your last dime to attend that life-changing conference, you will spend it doing something that won’t yield returns. The math problem will always be there. You won’t lose anything by solving it. Solve it or not, another will, and you get to lose. The idea is a realm and everyone has access to the realm. If you fail to tell the young CEO you trust that really nice idea, the idea will be revealed to another and you get to gain nothing. You couldn’t work on the idea yourself. You couldn’t even tell someone that has the resources to activate well-nigh all the great things you’ve never envisioned from the idea.

Rule 2: Let Your Value Be Like Kuwaiti Dinar

Kuwaiti Dinar is the world highest valued currency. Imagine you are Kuwaiti Dinar for two seconds. How do you feel? Happy? Lucky? You’re not sure? Okay, now stop imagining. Until you strategically place yourself in a level of limitless value, your luck will not last.

Remember this Elon’s tweet that went viral? Do you understand why it went viral? Should I still explain the meaning of never-ending value?

Unending value makes your mistakes look like an invention. Blue Ocean Strategy by Chan Kim taught me how to create uncontested market space thus making the competition irrelevant. CNN in 1980, was the first to ever commence with real-time news 24/7. Ford in 1908 was the first to create cars that were styled to appeal to the emotions of consumers. Know that by becoming an entity with limitless value will not only set you out to unending opportunities but also will teach you not only to survive but also thrive.

Rule 3: Master The Power Of Gratitude

“Not only is a man not obliged to be grateful, gratitude is often a terrible burden that he gladly discards.” ~ Robert Greene

Gratitude comes in two main forms: words of affirmation and gift. Even if things do not go as planned, always remember to say thank you. Even if the person is not willing to help you, say thank you at least. The Bible understands how epochal gratitude is in a man’s life as recorded in 1st Thessalonians 5:18: In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I will not even lie to you. I take my time to appreciate people even when they do not help. The least you can ever give me is your attention for you be thanked. I’ve had a series of testimonies over the years. People forget what you did but they never forget how you made them feel. Remember that when we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.

Rule 4: The Sovereignty Power of God

The spiritual controls the physical and I don’t care if you don’t believe. As far as I’m concerned, you are not the one that created the planet, someone did and that person has power and sovereignty over you. I believe in God of Christianity and whatever God you believe in so solely up to you.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 states, “I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come. This perspective is based on a person looking at earth “under the sun” and not “under the umbrella of God’s will”. God in His sovereignty knows all things. The only thing you can do is to keep praying. He hasn’t forgotten about you. God is in control of His creation and you are part of His creation.

I was born shy...

Was I actually born shy? Quite literally a tabula rasa.

As a young lad growing up, I couldn’t approach a babe. Due to the unanimous standards created by the society, I think I need to be more specific with the use of words like ‘babe’ — I’m talking about the opposite sex. Some refer to it as fear, I call it an affright occasion of excessive presentiment.

I still vividly remember my final year in high school. While my mates were having fun during the dreary inter-house sports competition— I retired to the classroom, busy with the eight edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, cramming jaw-breaking, deep rooted, long winded words, rehearsing for my big day — The day I will be a speaker in a multinational event. My career path was to become a computer wizard, thinking that was a course in college, and my overly ambitious naive self felt it was possible to peruse all the entire books in the world! I didn’t also participate in the school’s extracurricular activities, even those that were so educational. This was because I was terribly shy and at that, I avoided such ritzy or laying bare activities. I noticed my life was a bit paradoxical — wanting to speak in multinational events and not ready to accept small challenges. Feeling sui generis and thinking no one understands me; perhaps an enigma designed for a very few to understand, I felt being a quiet achiever was possible.

I have long abandoned the ink-horned dictum that tries to console you to believing that “Good speech is silver but silence is pure gold”, neither is this also a validation for baleful or chintzy discussions.

Some will tell you, and also encourage you with a mocktail of prevarications to be a quiet achiever. The thing about these kind of information is that there are always loopholes. One cannot seem to get enough of them.

Being a quiet achiever is possible, but you should be mindful of the kind of career path you choose before hopelessly concluding that you want to be one.

Okay, okay. You as well might be confused where all this is leading to. Why the excessive tirade about my shyness? Why talk about myself in such a delimiting manner? You might also be wondering if I ever gained enough confidence to approach a babe. The truth is, I didn’t. Now you are even more confused. Even the writer hasn’t seen it all. He can’t even approach someone as ordinary as a babe. What gives him the assurance that after reading this, I will trade all my money for confidence? The only assurance I need is your belief in something greater than you.

If you don’t believe in God, then believe in magic. If you don’t believe in magic, then believe in miracles. If you don’t believe in miracles, then believe in love. If you don’t believe in love, then believe in art. If you don’t believe in art, then believe in humanity. Believe in kindness, compassion, faith, and courage. Just believe in something, but promise me that you’ll believe. —Nikita Mor

As a self-help writer, I have entered an unmindful covenant with my readers to do everything in my power to produce something that will help. Regardless of this fact, I also have to come out clean to my readers by providing original and veracious contents. Let’s create a positive mindset now, shall we?

What story best teaches confidence?

Frank is an HVAC (Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning) engineer. His primary job duties include the design, installation, maintenance, and repair of heating, ventilation, air conditioning, cooling, and refrigeration systems. I forgot to mention, Frank is also a gluttonous winebibber but that didn’t stop him from being excellent in his vocation.

Frankie, as I always call him, exhibited so much confidence when he came around to help fix a broken pipe from one of the AC connections in my apartment. I marveled at his ability in climbing tall buildings without the thought of slipping. I understand that it is in their job description to have the aptitude for heights, but with Frankie this was different. To understand me better, Frankie is like the Cristiano Ronaldo for air conditioning and cooling systems. Some might prefer I use Lionel Messi, but I’m indifferent 😄 — as far as my point is clear and limpid enough to be understood.

I couldn’t let Frankie go without him letting the cat out of the bag, how he managed to do his vocation more than others. Frankie told me about the experience he had that molded his life. In his words:

It was yet another day. I was assigned to the mortuary to fix the cooling systems that got impaired. I have been in this line of business for so many years, but this day was different because I was the only one in the mortuary. I honestly didn’t want to go. I didn’t know when I accepted the contract because I was drunk.

I got to the mortuary. The stench coming from dead bodies was effusive. Although that wasn’t my only concern, I could hear some footsteps too. Whenever I looked back, I found no one. There was no place to run to… It was already late… I drank some more wine to ease off the fear. The footsteps increased. I could hear people talking sporadically. I felt my life slip over.

There was only one thing I needed to do — confront them. I wondered what else I could have done — run away? I don’t think that would have been possible because they were positioned closely adjacent the door. I held my breath, mustered my courage and confronted them. Nobody ever believes me whenever I tell them those dead bodies were alive. They were surprised I could see them. I was surprised they could see me. Frantically, we were all surprised. I told them to lower their voice as the discussions and noise caused by their haphazard movements were insanely distracting. They agreed without much ado.

Few months later…

I had another contract job. Everyone was practically afraid of accepting the job offer because the news of the demise of my colleagues had spread like wild fire. Sadly, they fell from the precipice of the building. I haven’t seen any building like this before. It was really tall. From that height, it felt like the ground did not exist. The owner of the building tripled the price because of the risk involved. I believed in myself, had faith in my abilities and took the job. My colleagues that died could honestly do that same job. I am sure they doubted their abilities when they reached the precipice of the building. I am sure that doubt in their abilities led them to their untimely death.

The Bottom Line

Frankie wasn’t born with confidence. In fact, the big success he had was because of the small successes he had acquired in the past. It is practically okay to be shy, to lack confidence. But when you refuse to do anything about it, that is when it is unacceptable. As long as you keep going, you will keep getting better. And as you get better, you gain more confidence.That alone is true success.